Unlikely Guides

While on my morning walk with our two dogs, I was surprised to hear what I thought was chickens clucking. At first, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, because I had been living in this home for over a year, taking the dogs on multiple walks a day and never noticed chickens before. But hidden behind some hedges in the backyard of an unlikely palatial home to house chickens, I discovered a chicken coop. I immediately knew there was a message waiting for me, but I didn't know what the chicken spirit animal was trying to tell me.

Chickens scratch the surface. There's always more underneath waiting to be uncovered and discovered.

I knew something was bothering me, I had been irritable for days, but I couldn't name the source. I felt nervous energy balling up in my chest, and I knew that meditating would help me alleviate it - the impatience, the irritability and the anxiety. The only thing was, I didn't want to do it. I was scared to see what was below the surface. My resistance sounded like, "Haven't I done enough work? What if I won't be able to handle it?"

When I was brave enough to face it, the answer was gently waiting for me offering gifts of relief, compassion and greater self understanding. So as soon as everyone was asleep I led myself through the heart meditation where I can access my Higher Self/Source Energy/God from the emotional plane. With heart vision I saw my father at around age 30.

Just for some context, my father passed away about fifteen years ago and I love(d) him so much with his faults and all. He was too many things for me to try and write down here, but suffice it to say that when I was a young child he battled with alcoholism and by my preteen years he was in recovery and really trying to be more present. During my highschool years he tried to make an effort when I already had learned to be as self sufficient as possible to really need his help except for some rare occasions. In college, he helped me more than he knows (well, he probably now knows) and became a true friend. And then he had a swift battle with cancer that took him when I was 26 years old. And I miss him everyday.

So when I saw the young 30's version of him appear before me in my meditation, I was nervous. He hadn't yet become the professional photographer that made him well known. In this stage in his life he was managing a bar. My siblings, all older than me, must have been in school. I was in the office of the bar in a playpen with all so many toys that soon lost their luster as their novelty wore off quickly.

When I allowed myself to feel with heart focus I began to cry. I didn't want the toys, I just didn't want to be alone. As I breathed deeper into the emotional wound I realized that even if I was able to speak up for myself in that moment, my needs or wants wouldn't have been met, because that was already my father's best in that moment. Instead of leaving me home alone, he brought me to work while he was able to provide for his family.

Something subtle and profound happens with this meditation. My perspective shifted without much effort. Even though I wasn't able to express my needs and wants as a toddler, I am free to do so now regardless of the outcome. Because it's not always about getting what I want, it's about not abandoning myself anymore. I was able to see that I have been able to ask for what I want countless times in my life since that moment. I just needed to remove the unworthy seed that was planted a long time ago.

The next day I called my mom telling her my experience. She used to travel for work as a national makeup artist when I was young and that's why she wasn't home to take care of me in that recalled memory. After she heard the whole story she said, "you were also like a chicken in a coop while you were in that playpen." I love that the Universe has a sense of humor.

I'm so grateful for the messages and signs that come to me. May I always remain open to all the lessons that I need to experience to continue my growth. I will hold on to the lesson and remove the suffering and pain.

#animalspiritguide #heartmeditation #releaseoldwounds #healing #lettinggo